Last night in the Philippines. Rachelle and I are going out to check out a club with a Team Canada hockey jersey after grabbing some sinigang from the local bar we've been frequenting (home of the innocent Filipina I've been hitting on for the past week). Said girl had stood me up on a date the day before, however, the sinigang is super good and I wanted to say goodbye to the bartenders I'd befriended.
At the bar, she opened up conversation with Rachelle and I and we got to talking about what we would do on our last night. Once she heard our plans she made us promise to come pick her and her barmates up to join us in our revelry. So it starts.
Things are normal, go to bar, there are ladyboys, there is me, there is disco disco. Dance. Dance. Finish with the drinking, go to Andok's (AKA: The greatest fast food joint in the mooniverse) and grab some fried chicken (read: yum). Rachelle and girly-cutey-tiny Filipina head home, my main man bartender and I head to a karaoke bar (3AM).
We arrive at karaoke hovel. Planks for walls. Planks for roof. Planks for tables. Nothing but girls. Interesting.
My bartender sits me down on a bench next to a girl and in front of two others, I'm not completely oblivious to what's going on. "Choose which one you want to sit with". I choose the one already sitting next to me, I don't really want to make her move, and besides, she's the cutest girl I can see with my half-cut vision. "I'm Rose"
"I'm Anthony"
I find out it's her first night on the job and she's never spoken with a foreigner before, still not exactly sure what her job is. Turns out, I'm supposed to buy her beers in return for her hanging off of me and singing karaoke in my direction, good thing beers are cheap. We sing and awkwardly hold on to eachother through songs like "Take on Me" and "White Christmas". At 6AM she says it's time to go and asks me "what do you want?". After about 2 weeks being connected to a San Miguel IV drip I have about the smooth of 90 grit.
"I want to have sex with you".
"Are you sure?"
"I don't know." I say, what is this some kind of trick question? Am I going to end up in Philippine prison for being overly hormone driven?
"Are you sure?"
She speaks in Tagalog with some of the other girls around the shack. We are all told to leave as it is 6AM and the shack is closing, stepping through the door the light is almost blinding. Once outside I am surrounded by the girls, most of them about chin level with me.
"You want something?" They're badgering me, I can't handle it, I barely managed to start talking to the other girl about her business and now I'm surrounded by little fireballs demanding to know exactly what I want to do.
"To go to sleep."
On the tricycle ride home I find out that the going rate is about 1500 Piso (35C$)
I don't think I can handle the whores.
Back at the resort I find a note from Rachelle telling me to meet the innocent girl for fried chicken at 8AM, about an hour and a half away.
I don't think I can handle Filipinas.
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