Merry Christmas

It's time! Christmastime, which for me marks the end of my extended world procrastination tour. I'm not sure what it marks for you, and frankly, we'll stick with topics of importance here. We all know the true meaning of Christmas, no matter how hard religious lobbies and the cartoon industry try to force their sentimentalist borderline-socialist interpretation of the holidays down our throat. The true meaning of Christmas is to get sweet stuff showing people how much you love them. The bigger and more expensive the stuff, the more you obviously love someone. On that note, my lovelies, here is an up-to-date list on things that can buy my affection, or at least my attention:


-A condo in downtown Vancouver (at least 600 sq. ft., w/ view of North Shore mountains preferred)
-Round trip flight to Saigon.
-A Lotus Evora S (White)
-Tickets to the 2011 Heritage Classic
-Membership at a slightly-less-than-reputable massage parlor
-A Hu Ming original http://www1.hu-ming.com/all_list/08/list_2008.html
-Lessons in any of the following (Mandarin, French, piano, voice, scam artistry)
-A job
-Hang out with me on New Year's


Don't be shy, whether we've been friends for years or merely high-school acquaintances, it will never be considered inappropriate to share your holiday spirit with me. Merry Christmas to everybody, may next year be even more ridiculous than this one. 

Memories

Taken from the first pages of my Europe notebook:

"The point is to make it easy, to work smarter, make it difficult to fail. It's easy to get the girl if she's attracted to you. Carry the book on you and you will write. Write and you will remember. Remember and you will have access to all those intriguing moments, the exciting bits, the things that drive you. Write and you will succeed."

I guess it works, reading back through that bit I remember the scene in Berlin that surrounded me. I remember the Igor Hofbauer book that I leafed through right afterward. Most importantly, I remembered that drive I felt in the moment, "the exciting bit". Turns out that notebooks in your back pocket aren't just for adding some extra hipster flair to your dry denim.

Wanted: Sugarmama

Single young buck looking for a sugarmama. If you've got too much cash and too little satisfaction, I have what you need. Need something to spice up your Mexican vacation? Dinner at Gotham by yourself is getting lonely? Whether you're looking for a handsome, rakish young thing to parade in front of the bitches at your staff Christmas party or a regular pleasure acquaintance to help you feel good when you want to be bad, I'm here. All I ask in return for my invaluable services is a well-appointed living quarters in the Gastown/Chinatown area.  


My living space should include both en suite laundry and a dishwasher. Bedding should be at bare minimum queen sized, we all know that size matters, the bigger the better. Weekly maid service is preferred. The stainless steel fridge will be refilled daily to contain a minimum:
-1 750ml. Alberta Springs rye whisky
-12 cans Old Style Pilsner 
-1 pack Double Stuffed Oreos
-1 4 liter Chocolate milk (2% please


I'm disease free (with the exception of an occasional tinea versicolour outbreak) and possess very little moral fiber. Though my personality is large there is a limited quantity of me. Applications are already pouring in, so drop me a line telling me why you are the best sugarmama for me.


Those interested in having a permanent Shotgun addition to their life are now in luck. For a limited time only, Shotgun is available for breeding stock. Choose between our freeze-dried serum, for your convenience, or, for the natural types, our direct injection solutions. In lieu of money, payment with fine dining, vacations, and automobiles will be considered.